Self-Love is not selfish

Let’s talk about self-love. Since today is Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be a perfect time to write about it. We always express love towards others — towards our significant other, to our family, our friends. But we often forget to express that same love towards ourselves.

It’s important to remember to love yourself. To be kind to yourself. To remember that you are worthy. Worthy of love and acceptance and happiness, and everything in between.

Society’s measure of success, happiness, and beauty is partially to blame. The standard is so incredibly warped that we are always measuring our own self-worth to others, to their opinions, their looks, the number of likes they have on an Instagram post.

But I’m here to tell you to stop putting power in the hands of others. Stop letting Instagram or ex-partners or shitty people make you feel unworthy.

And I’m not saying that this is easy. It’s a hard thing to do — to take a step back and say, “I’m still valuable even though someone else may not value me.”

you are worthy.

I’m going to tell you a story.

*{When you stop living your life based on what others think of you, real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self-acceptance opened.} -Shannon Adler*

When I was 13, a friend made an offhand comment that, while most likely insignificant to her, really stuck with me. She said a relative of hers thought I was the ugliest girl she’d ever seen.

So many things went through my head upon hearing this. What made me so ugly? Was it my red hair? Probably. I’ve never liked my red hair. It makes me stand out when I just wanted to blend in. Was it because I was a pale Irish girl? Was I too fat? Were my cheeks too chubby? Was it the way I dressed? Was it because I wore glasses? Should I get contacts instead?

I was a teenager after all, a preteen. I was only just getting to know myself. All my insecurities were confirmed in that single moment. I started to question my own worth. I put all the power and my own value in the hands of someone else.

*{The real difficulty to overcome is how you think about yourself.} -Maya Angelou*

Like my own, we’ve all had a moment in our lives when we felt undeserving or not good enough because someone else made us feel that way. But it’s how you overcome the negative judgement from others, and from yourself, which helps you grow as a person.

I think it’s worth noting that being able to love yourself doesn’t make you better than others. And it doesn’t make you weaker. It simply distinguishes your values, choices, and qualities. “I love me for me, and I don’t need anyone to validate my value.”

Self-love is traveling alone because you want to travel. It’s treating yourself to a massage because you want one. It’s following your dreams. It’s enjoying your own company. It’s waking up every morning, looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, “I love me.” I remind myself to do all these things because I know I’m worthy, even though there are some days when it’s hard. I now look back at that once upsetting moment in my life and see it as just another roadblock I overcame in life. It no longer dictates how I view myself — how I love myself. And now that I’m older, I love my red hair now because it makes me stand out.

Love should undoubtedly be shared, but it can never replace the respect you have for yourself. Self-love is letting people know that I can generate happiness on my own, but I’m also happiest in the company of others.

I love myself so I can love you.